Where is my passion?

From March 9th to 23th I am quite busy with A1 project,But after that I just looked some pdf, some A3 and N6 PS
The weather is fine, and my mood become much better, spring is here and I have happy life

But the only question bothers me is, what can I do when I am not busy at office, obviously I can't surf on the internet given the circumstances company seems in the crisis.
I know that I am not as good as other employees in many aspects, I realize it takes time for me to catch up with them,  I know everything, but when it comes to do it I become too lazy, I am not so eager for learning new things compared to when I was just begin working, I lose my passion, lose my dream and the patience.